WHEN MY HUSBAND WAS ASKED to serve as president of the North England Conference, I had no idea what was required of me. My knowledge base was merely from an outsider looking in—just observations of previous presidents’ wives. Thankfully, over 20 years ago, when my husband was first called to the ministry, I wrestled with God and sought Him earnestly, asking Him: “What do You require of me?” My answer came back: “Be a Christian (love Christ).” This mantra has sustained me over the years and became even more poignant in my new role.
One of my earliest observations was my husband’s total absorption in the work. If there were more than 24 hours in a day, they’d be filled. The president’s role is all-consuming. Because I’m a spouse with my own professional career in senior leadership, we could easily have been like ships passing in the night. Actually, we probably were for the first three years. The COVID-19 pandemic literally brought us under one roof, having Microsoft Teams calls in different rooms. Yet it also allowed those special moments of togetherness, talking, eating, walking, and praying.
With the new responsibility, travel across the conference increases. Sabbaths can be somewhat of a nomadic lifestyle, moving around to different congregations. I took this aspect of my role in stride. On reflection it gave my husband and me time together as we traveled, and I enjoyed getting to know familiar faces as well as unfamiliar ones. A particular joy was when new companies or churches were being formed or organized; I loved to learn about their history and see how God had led. The commitment of members volunteering their time, often stepping out on a limb under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, really buoys my spirit.
The high days, such as conference, union, and division events, can be amazing. I saw the church from different perspectives, and my understanding increased as to how mission and strategy are translated internationally, nationally, regionally, and locally. These events have a downside in that the president’s spouse can be thrown into the spotlight. You may not know people, but they certainly know you.
As an introvert, I am comfortable in my own thoughts and thinking, but I can also be flexible and move into extroversion mode. However, the spotlight saps my energy, and I would then seek to find my own private space and recharge my batteries. Selfreflection and understanding your own style and preferences are crucial to handling the spotlight experiences. With selfreflection the inner critic can raise its ugly head. Here is when the enemy may try to discourage you. Everyone makes mistakes, and in my weakest state trusting in the promises of God would always bring me through.
WARNINGS
At times I have been asked, “What is it like to be a president’s wife?” My response has been, “When you are in a local church, there are joys and problems. Can you imagine this being multiplied across a mission, conference, union, or division?”
Your spouse will carry a weight that only Christ the great Burden Bearer can carry. I have always had every confidence in my husband and his leadership abilities, whether as a president or a pastor. When Satan’s arrows are being hurled (and these will come), words of affirmation are needed, just as Jesus affirmed His followers. Sometimes your spouse may want to share, and in those times, hear and listen, then together leave all at the altar of sacrifice. Confidences must never be betrayed.
There are also times when other pastors and members wish for you to give an opinion on conference matters. These promptings can be quite subtle or blatantly publicized. In my professional career I have had experiences with handling political
environments across national and local healthcare and government organizations. Therefore, my professional experiences were instrumental in my not being drawn into toxic conversations and environments. Instead, I kept a level head and sought counsel from the Word of God.
The impact on children cannot be overstated no matter what their age, but particularly if still a dependent. Several studies point to the pressures faced by clergy children and the high statistics of behavioral problems and leaving the church due to congregational high expectations and public scrutiny. These statistics cross all denominations. As a president’s wife, I had to make a stand for my children. There were certain occasions and events in my children’s lives where both parents were required, and these attendances were non-negotiable. Both our children transitioned to university over the conference term, and their father’s support was crucial. An equilibrium was achieved because we had historic ways of working collaboratively and supporting our children together. Fortunately, although time was more limited, our established ways of working remained a priority.
As a president’s wife you will likely see a General Conference, union, or conference session come around. I realized this was not a trifling matter. I fasted and prayed personally, with my husband, and with close friends for God’s will to be done. The Lord impressed on my heart and mind Bible texts that sustained me. I had never sat through a session from start to finish, but I did so because I wanted to be by my husband’s side. Whatever the outcome, understand God’s plan for your life. My advice is do not become embroiled in politics. (See Jesus’ example in Matthew 22.) Moreover, in God’s presence is “fullness of joy”; at His right hand are “pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11).
