ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT skills we can acquire is expert listening. This may sound like an easy task since most of us have ears and the ability to hear. But just as knowing words and spelling does not make a good reader or writer, solely being able to hear does not make a good listener. Like reading and writing, it takes practice to listen and be a good listener.
Paul T. Rankin, former supervising director of research and adjustment for the Detroit public schools, measured the time people spend on four communication processes. He found that the average person spends 9 percent of their time writing, 16 percent reading, 30 percent speaking, and almost half, 45 percent, listening.
If nearly half of our time is spent listening, having the proper skills to listen and extract meaning from words spoken is essential to good communication and life in general. The dictionary definition of listening is
“giving attention to a sound.” It is not merely hearing a sound but giving it your attention to dissect and understand.
TOP TIPS
Improving our listening skills helps us with not only our physical relationships but also our spiritual relationship with Christ. “To answer before listening—that is folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13, NIV). There is a consistent theme in Scripture about hearing and listening for the voice of God and the Holy Spirit. Check out John 10:27, 28: “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand” (NIV).
Here are five tips to become a better listener in your everyday life.
1. Listen without an agenda. Often while engaged in conversation, individuals are looking for the best spot to speak themselves. However, this leads to a diminished reception of the words actually being spoken. Listen fully and openly, not necessarily to respond but to understand. Should a natural response occur, great. But always listen to understand, not to respond.
2. Restate in your own words what was said. Restating or summarizing what you heard helps secure the thought in your mind. Repeating in a casual manner also lets the speaker know you are actively listening.
3. Identify the emotion of the conversation. Knowing the emotion behind the words helps secure context and understanding of the conversation. This allows the listener to create the right mental environment to understand the message. Psychologist Robert Plutchik emphasizes identifying emotions in conversation as a major part of emotional literacy.
4. Listen without judgment. Many times, especially when discussing difficult topics, it is easy to jump to judgment. As hard as it may be, fully listening to understand means listening without the intent to judge. This can help the listener and the speaker form a better connection.
5. Don’t “should” on people. Using “should” in conversations sounds like judgments and accusations of something a person is not doing. Instead, use “I” statements when trying to convey a point. Instead of saying “You should drink more water,” you can say, “I try to drink eight glasses of water every day.”
Listening, like anything else you are trying to improve, takes time and practice. Don’t be hard on yourself if you find yourself retreating to old listening habits. Pick one or two of these tips at a time to incorporate into your daily conversations and see the difference.
INFORMATION SOURCES:
https://www.lovehealgrow.com/better-listener-in-marriage-relationships/
https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/ED376481.pdf
https://medium.com/live-your-life-on-purpose/8-powerful-listening-skills-from-the-worlds-greatest-books-and-experts-b50faf0d9bea
https://www.uvm.edu/~mjk/013%20Intro%20to%20Wild-life%20Tracking/Plutchik’s%20Wheel%20of%20Emotions%20 -%202017%20Update%20_%20Six%20Seconds.pdf
https://psychcentral.com/lib/become-a-better-listener-active-listening#active-listening-steps
