I'm broken hearted! Three more ministers' wives writing to tell me about their husband's adultery and their broken lives. I believe this disaster is often preventable. I'm not saying you can guarantee a husband's faithfulness, as if it's your fault if he sins. You can do everything right and lose your children, and the same is true for your husband. That's free will. But you can cut down the odds. Here's my advice on protecting your husband from other women. Read it and act before you ignore it and weep.
Know your man
Men frequently have a stronger sexual desire than women, at least in the early years of marriage. (We catch up later!) In general, men struggle with impure thoughts more often than women. Know your man because the key to sexual understanding in marriage will be understanding each other. Learn your husband's needs and desires. Talk about sex. The two least discussed topics among ministry couples are our personal spiritual walks and sex. Schedule some time to talk about both. If your husband goes to the pulpit being unduly tempted because you've defrauded him (1 Cor. 7:5), his preaching will lack the power it needs. So share frankly with each other about what makes each of you "tick." Study your man carefully to discover how you can light his fire. After all, someone else with designs on him might be studying him. You may not think he's that attractive anymore, but his position, power, prestige, and even his spiritual commitment makes him a special target for other women. Study hard and learn your husband's ways so you can beat them to it!
Some of you are already tense just reading about sex. You don't like sex, and you think it is dirty and shouldn't be talked about by good Christians. Now, don't start accusing the other ministers' wives of this. I find far more freedom among them than among younger wives. And don't accuse the "conservatives" of prudery. Many conservative ministers' wives are more in tune with their own sexuality than some "liberated" females in the church. If you haven't learned to lighten up, your attitude probably makes you "motherly" with your husband. What a turn-off! You're not his mom, neither are you his spiritual authority or watchdog. Some wives feel that if they start to really enjoy sexual expression it will ignite some sort of fire in their husband and he will go off the deep end. Give him an inch, he'll take a mile, they say. Wrong. Indeed, the very opposite may occur. So, lighten up. Start being the joyful playmate God intended you to be.
Share your radar alerts
Women have a sixth sense about other women. We can spot another woman who has designs on our husbands a mile away. It's a God-given radar alert. It's purpose is not to provoke jealousy, but to share these impressions with your husband. The first time I did this, we worked at a summer camp where a female lifeguard kept coming to my husband for "spiritual counseling" on her way to the beach, of course. I couldn't believe how dumb he was! He thought she really was interested in the Bible! I got jealous because I waited too long to warn him. Both of us approached it with a wrong attitude. Nevertheless, he did stop meeting with the "counseling coed." Since that time, I have learned to share my impressions with my husband right away. And he has learned to listen. When warning bells go off, say so. You may save your husband from disaster.
Keep the fire hot at home
Take care of yourself. Take time to be romantic, especially throughout the day. Call him at work and say something surprising! Be rested. Take a nap. Get the kids to bed early. Or arrange for a night at a hotel. Take time to listen to your husband. Look him in the eye. Flirt with him. Buy some surprising lingerie. Relax and develop self-confidence. Admire his physique. Initiate sex sometimes. Wear what he likes and do your hair and makeup the way he likes it. When the fire's hot at home he's less likely to be warming his hands somewhere else. Get interested in your husband before someone else does. A marriage is a terrible thing to waste.