The firm-hand routine—You perform this exercise using several small children who are determined to embarrass you in public. By firmly gripping their hands, you attempt to correct their socially unacceptable behavior without resorting to public violence. You must never vacillate while firm handling or you will fall on your face.
Skin thickener—The skin thickener is executed by rubbing shoulders with the gossips and critics in the congregation. When you have done this exercise regularly, you will notice a new, protective layer of skin forming over the epidermis. This will cause any friction to be less painful.
Foot press (otherwise referred to as "putting your foot down")—Perform this difficult move only while properly positioned. The exercise requires both strength and grace. You must press firmly without stepping on anyone else's toes.
One-leg stands—This workout is really helpful when you need a leg to stand on. It is often done right after a botched foot press. Balance on one foot and with both hands slowly ease the other foot from your oral cavity.
Lip stiffener—For the upper lip that twitches uncontrollably with emotion, this exercise is a must. Pressing lips firmly together, pull them inward and continue to press until the crisis passes. The lip stiffener is usually performed during board meetings or funerals.
Mouth workouts—With teeth clinched, make a n-n-n sound while gradually forming the lips into a perfect 0. Do this clearly and distinctly. Use this exercise when responding to the nominating committee list of five jobs for you.
Stationary tongue—The stationary tongue is executed by clamping the jaws tightly together and keeping the tongue firmly in place between the palates. This is an advanced exercise that few do well.
Neck thrust—Sticking you neck out can be a hazardous activity. Remember to thrust only when necessary or expedient. Some performers have lost their heads. If you are careful you may only lose face.
Double-knee bend—A guaranteed exercise for complete well being. Must be performed several times a day. Lower the body to a kneeling position. Fold hands. Remain in this stance as long as needed. If you find yourself suffering from performing exercises one through eight, the double-knee bend will never fail to keep you in good form.
